Blah Blah Blah

A few days ago I was completely wrapped up in internal reflection. I'd come to the surprising realization that a few things I though were the fault of others were in fact issues that stemmed from myself.

The general whirling of my mind involved; mulling over details, reflecting on past events and trying to conceptualize the whole of my self and those I relate to on a personal level.

It seems I have... dun dun duhhn! Trust issues. Figurative slap on the forehead.

What blows my mind is that I thought I had dealt with these issues long ago. But it seems that my mind has decided that I have to be completely sure of it. It's interesting that when I decide on something there's always an event that will challenge my new found resolutions.

It certainly doesn't help that my past is somewhat traumatic. I've never completely shared the details of what happened to me to anyone. But, who I am is not the result of what someone else chose to do. Honestly, I sometimes feel that I hold too much to heart those events. On a comparative level they really aren't that terrible. It certainly could have been much worse.

So, I sought the support of my spiritual community. I sat in silence and I put my inner critic aside for a while. Quietly counting breath, feeling my body solidly planted on the floor and experiencing the amazing moment to moment with others; I found that the stress and internal warfare dissipated slightly.

As always, I figured out the problem, found some internal resolution, and let it go. I chose to be gentle with myself.