Not so good turned good

The other evening my roommate came home for the first time ever with immediate explosive anger directed towards me. With me cornered in a room and his spittle landing at my feet I went completely still inside.

My first reaction was shock immediately followed by protective anger. I'm experienced enough with these left field instances from different areas of my life, that I knew to remain mostly silent and listen to what he said for the underlying cause of his anger. His issues were correct and something that should have been broached much sooner. I had vague inklings that things were about to come to a head but with his passive aggressive demeanor I was blind sided with the intensity of his emotions.

I do not excuse his unskilled actions and in fact find several deep seated things about him extremely challenging to be around. Bringing these things up however, would be asking him to change his very nature and that is not my responsibility. I accept him for who he is and recognize the good things he brings to the household, knowing that this line of thinking is what's necessary for living in any sort of community.

Several hours later I was stewing. Wading through the emotions of; anger, self righteousness, guilt, humiliation, vindictiveness and sorrow- I devised a plan.

Understanding conflict resolution, I made amends. First I created an apology letter and purchased a peace offering, then I made a solution list, next I put the list into action and I promised that such situations would never happen again. And then I let it go, for my own peace.

Recognizing my tendency towards wading through my emotional torrent as of late, I came to realize that his anger was more than the situation. I have been neglecting my life and my own responsibilities while wallowing.

It snapped me out of it. I've put aside my internal circular thought habits for the moment, and have begun taking better care of myself and those around me. My tension bleeds onto those I interact with and taints the general energy. Meditating today I showed myself the gentle glow of calm.

Today has been a nice break from the past week. And again I realize I am responsible for my own peace or lack there of.