Never Ever Say Never

While speaking with several friends over the past week, I've noticed a trend. Most of them have had certain realizations about themselves that they swore would never come to be. This caused me to stop and ponder my own limits.

After having a deep and empathic conversation with my friend who knows me on the most mentally intimate level, I found myself blurting out things that revolutionized my proposed belief systems. We were discussing how he responded to the male figures in his life at the tender age of 5 and how it was obviously a foreshadowing for his current acceptance of his homosexuality.

I was comparing how I related to both sexes as a young child as well and how that was consistent with my acknowledged bisexuality today.

While speaking I noted how, with women I was always comfortable exploring sexual things. It was gentle, safe and frankly easy. I greatly care for women and feel a simple mutually understood empathic connection with them. The emotional connection is easily attained, more rounded and all encompassing than is possible with a man.

With men, it is an intoxicating and frankly terrifying draw that is full of intense exploration and obsessive abandon. It lacks the ease of immediate connection, but the simplicity that a man offers is a pleasing balance to the many contradictions and complications of myself. Eventually with a man the understood connection becomes deeper and feels more primal than with a woman.

This acknowledgment then progressed towards contemplations I've recently been touching on regarding my interactions with a married couple. When I first played with them it seemed to confirm that I would never be poly.

Their deep love for each other left me as an observer more than as an equal contributor.

I am more than comfortable with this form of a relationship because I see the benefit I offer in being involved with them to this limited extent. I also see that with the both of them together there is a pleasing balance. He offers the male simplicity and solidity. She acts as an emotional confidant sharing in the same journey. However, it is understood that this particular situation would not be enough to satisfy me long term.

Knowing myself well enough and standing back watching how I interact with them, I have come to realize that I would be more than capable of being in a triad where all parties involved loved each other as equally as possible. Granted, the love would be different since no two people are the same. And with open communication I could the see inevitable jealousy working itself out. It would take very particular people.

But I now conceive that, it is possible.