Le Sigh

Casually getting hot and heavy with and acquanitence last night was the best way to end the year I think.

It won't happen again. At least not in that way. I tried to convey that this was just an experiment, that I was wanting to explore with him but I didn't really want anything else. I gave him the opportunity to stop. We proceeded and then he talked about relationships. Concidering what he was wanting I felt like an idiot for not talking more ahead of time. 

Good things: It was fun, I liked seeing how another person is in an intimate situation, I tried a few new things, I enjoyed suprising him with my eagerness and inabition, it felt damn good, he is very attractive in a very different way than I'm used to, he was quite passionate, I'm glad I didn't actually have intercourse with him, he gained enough confidence from the encounter with me to approach a young lady talk to her and then take her to his room later.

Bad things: I felt dirty after (and not in a good way), I struggled with his thoughts and behavior towards me, it was difficult watching him struggle with jealousy and confusion, he was a terrible kisser, when we were talking after I was not impressed with his character, it's certainly not something I want to repeat, I missed 'him' while it was happening and couldn't help comparing.

All in all an interesting adventure. In the future more conversation is defiantly needed, I would prefer at least wanting a relationship of some type before being intimate. I still need to process what actually happened and how I feel about it.

Given the chance to go back and re-decide, I would most likely have said 'no'.